Whoever named it a "non-stress test" doesn't know anything about Minnesotans, because sitting in a small room while a bunch of people look at you is about as stressful as it gets for my people. Nevertheless, the babe and I did fine. My contractions slowed to every 20 minutes while everyone was staring at me, but the midwives were impressed by their intensity considering I'd been rating them very low, discomfort-wise. The kid was handling them well, though. He just hasn't gotten himself into position to make use of them. Which they said is very normal for not-first babies. Apparently they don't usually slide into place until the contractions reach a stronger, less latent phase of labor. Thus explaining why I'm still at the exact same stage of dilation that I was four weeks ago, even though my cervix is, as Andrea said, "like soft butter." It's just going to take pressure from someone's seemingly stubborn head to open it up.
They've got me scheduled for another NST on Saturday, if he's still not here. Maude help us.