Saturday, June 07, 2008


I was just going to do a straight-forward Top 50, but a) that's a nearly impossible task in light of 30+ years of recording, and b) I can't resist an opportunity for at least a little exposition. And so, in honor of Mr. Nelson's 50th birthday, I present
Ten Top Fives About Prince Songs!

I. Five Partyingest Songs
5. Trust
4. D.M.S.R.
3. 1999
2. Housequake
1. Let's Go Crazy

II. Five Least Embarrassing Political and/or Spiritual Songs
5. Planet Earth
4. The Cross
3. 4 The Tears In Your Eyes
2. Pop Life
1. Sign O' The Times

III. Five Filthiest Songs (Darling Nikki barely makes the Top Ten, Mrs. Gore)
5. 319
4. Head
3. Sexy M.F.
2. Erotic City
1. Come

IV. Five Loveliest Songs
5. I Wish U Heaven
4. Still Would Stand All Time
3. Take Me With U
2. The Arms of Orion
1. Forever In My Life

V. Five Least Justifiably Popular Songs
5. Batdance
4. Diamonds and Pearls
3. The Most Beautiful Girl In The World
2. Cream ("Sh-boogie-bop?" Seriously?)
1. U Got The Look

VI. Five Saddest Songs
5. Condition Of The Heart
4. When U Were Mine
3. Purple Rain
2. Nothing Compares 2 U
1. Sometimes It Snows In April

VII. Five Kid-Friendliest Songs
5. Uh ...
4. Hm ...
3. Er ...
2. Um ...
1. Starfish and Coffee!

VIII. Five Sexiest Songs
5. When 2 R In Love
4. Superfunkycalifragisexy
3. Hot Thing
2. Anotherloverholenyohead
1. Adore

IX. Five Funniest Songs
5. Vicki Waiting (there's an entire joke!)
4. Glam Slam '91
3. Mr. Goodnight
2. Alphabet St.
1. Bob George

X. Five Songs I Cannot Control The Urge To Sing Along To, Down To Every Exclamatory Noise, Not Already Mentioned Above
5. Raspberry Beret
4. The 1 U Wanna C
3. Little Red Corvette
2. I Would Die 4 U/Baby I'm A Star (required to be played in succession)
1. I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man

Happy birthday to a hometown hero and permanent musical companion. Every stage of my life has had Prince on the soundtrack.

The astute observer will notice that there are a number of albums not represented on this list. That's because those albums are either shamefully forgettable and/or were released during the post-Crystal Ball period when Prince and I were not on speaking terms. We worked it out, though.


Chip said...

Where to begin? First, kudos-- overall I agree with a lot of these choices.

When Doves Cry most certainly belongs at the top of the sing-along list for me. Especially the dove noises.

Money Don't Matter 2 Night and Dinner With Delores are two of his loveliest songs, though they could be a sad ones too.

I'd have to put Gett Off on the dirtiest list. It also just rocks. Oh, and Tambourine too. Oh, and Sister? Do Me Baby? Ok, maybe the dirtiest list should have been a top 10.

Pop Life belongs somewhere-- only because it's one of my favorites and I actually covered it in a band I was in (with a girl singer) and the bass line is hella fun to play. Oh, wait, it is on one of your lists. Nevermind.

Sexiest- i'd have to have Shh from The Gold Experience, although your choices are good.

Funniest-- Billy Jack Bitch-- perfect use of a Fishbone sample.

Even though you did a nice round number of 10 lists, I think you need Best Raps in Prince Songs (My Name is Prince is up there-- "U're just a simpleton, I'll bust you like a pimple, son" is one of the best lines ever), and maybe just a "rockingest" list, which would include the title track from Chaos & Disorder, among others.

Stephanie said...

This is so impressive!

Top five workout songs:
5. Gett Off
4. Musicology
3. P Control
2. I Would Die 4 U/Baby I'm A Star
1. My Name is Prince

Man- this must have been so hard for you!

ncp said...

another lonely christmas
didnt make
your 5 saddest?!

Stacey Greenberg said...

i would like for someone to bring the top 5 you must sing along to to the beach so that i may witness this first hand.

thank you.

Stephanie said...

I forgot that Thieves in the Temple is a top workout song because it's a four mph walking song.

Stacey- we're on it.

Anonymous said...

Where does "Another Lonely Christmas" rank on your "Saddest Songs" list?